This is a reprint from my old blog, but how many of you have never read it, see if you can answer the questions at the end of the story. What causes a man to see a woman as a dream girl -v- the one he sees as a doormat?
See if you can tell after reading the following .....
Mike pushed his blond hair back, and surveyed the room. His brother Louis, who owned a predominant share in their finance company, seemed to be busy fighting off the women as usual. He looked up at him and gestured for help. Mike just laughed. He and his brother both were very used to the tenacious attentions of opportunistic females. He could smell them a mile away. What most of the women did not know was that he and his brother, both of whom were blond haired, blue eyed, and all American looking, both preferred black women. His friends and family had long ago come to terms with it, and it no longer seem to matter, that is , except to white women, who often threw hissy fits upon seeing him with his latest date. But he was in his 30s and ready to settle down. More and more he had been dreaming of a wife instead of just a one night stand. He sighed as he realized his big brother was standing over him, squinting. "Penny for your thoughts man" Louis pulled out a chair and sat down. Mike shook his head, not quite sure he was ready to admit what was on his mind. Louis spread his muscular arms wide, then gestured for their mutual friend Jackson to join them. A moment later Jackson appeared with Don in towe. Mike sighed. When the 4 of them got together, all they seemed to talk about was football, and for once he was not in the mood. Jackson looked closely at him. His black skin shining under the bright lights "whatsup with you boy?" Don broke in " looks like female trouble t'me" he said trying to hide the southern accent he was often teased about. "Nah, I just ... I guess I'm just a little bored" Mike confessed hoping they would let it drop. His brother leaned toward him, his handsome face crinkled in amusement."what the hell you bored for? too many women, too much money, too many cars, man tell me!" Mike glared at him, but did not answer. Everyone seemed to think if you had lots of money life was perfect-but his life was empty as hell and he knew it. "listen man, " his brother motioned for him to move closer "I need you to do me a big favor..." Mike cut him off " No way man I'm not going to fire anybody for you or-" Louis held up his hand "Man I don't need you to, I have no problem firing people who don't pull their weight. No this is something else..." His voice trailed off, then with what looked like a go-ahead look from Jackson he continued. "There are two women I need you to take out, One this week, and one next week." He held up his hand to silence Mike's protest "Man listen one is your dreamgirl I guarantee it. The other we just need to make her happy so we can get her business!" Mike rolled his eyes "man why me? I mean what about Jackson? you know I ain't into white girls" Louis shook his head slightly at Mike the way one looks at a mentally challenged child "Who said they were white?" he asked quietly. Jackson laughed "yeah one of em, we think is just perfect for you, you'll see she's fierce! the other well she'll do in a pinch" Mike did not like it. He didn't like feeling like he was being set up, and he didn't need his brother to pick his dates. But Louis would not take no for an answer and mike finally agreed "I won't even spend money on their asses" he thought "I'll take em both to the cove, talk em out of their drawers and be on my way!" He laughed at the thought of his brother's face when he did not get the business he was aiming for "it'll serve him right " he thought sneakily. "Let me go get a new suit..." When Mike pulled up to the large house, he beeped impatiently. Not bothering to get out and go meet the woman. Instead he leaned back in his beamer and waited. She emerged a moment later. Beautiful, dark and sexy looking. His brother had said her name was Pam. That was easy enough to remember, at least for the night. She was dressed in a short, tight dress that left her breasts hanging over the top. Her weave was thick and heavy and she wore far more makeup than such a pretty face required. She got into the car and smiled at him. She didn't seem to be at all annoyed by the fact that he did not come to the door. He was used to women letting him get away with shit. When you're rich, handsome, and extremely well connected the normal rules don't seem to apply. " Oh everybody said you were gorgeous" she gushed "they were right" He didn't bother to answer. Obliviously she was supposed to be the dreamgirl, and yeah she was hot and all, so why did he feel so let down? They drove up to the cove and got out. Pam grabbed his hand and pulled it to her breast. He looked at her quickly to see if it had been an accident but the mischievous look on her face told him otherwise. "So what'll you like to do?" he asked. trying to keep the boredom out of his tone. He had dated women like her a thousand times. "I love to go to the country club and-" Mike tuned her out. His attention was on her hot body. Her breasts pushing against the rim of a dress that looked 2 sizes too small. She seemed to notice what he was staring at and giggled. A moment later they were locked in a passionate embrace, getting hotter by the moment. "you wanna go to the hilton?" she breathed. Mike just looked her, thinking "why should I, you ain't worth all the trouble of checking in and paying 300 bucks!" "Ah no baby, he breathed. I want you too bad!" She fell for it. In minutes they had disposed of their clothes and given way to pure passion. Two hours later, Mike lay spent, his breathing slowly returning to normal. Pam turned to him "I'm so glad we met" she gushed. " On our next date maybe we could see that new movie..." Once again he had tuned her out. He was listening to the sound of the water lapping against the shore. He had always loved that sound since childhood. Pam's voice pierced his thoughts. "maybe we could go to the beach or the movies or -" He shot her a, shut the hell up look, "Mike! she wined, You're not even listening to me! I'm telling you my feelings about- " "about what?" he shot back, "Woman I don't even know you" and frankly you're voice is starting to get on my nerves!" Pam looked like he had slapped her. In the next instant she was sobbing "you must think I'm some kind of whore!" she moaned. Mike was getting more irritated by the moment "Did this idiot expect an instant relationship from a cheap screw? She really was stupid. " It's getting cold, he murmured, better get you home." When they got in the car he turned on the stereo, and let the temptations take him to another place. Soon they pulled up to her house. He turned to look at her. Pam's face was red and blotchy from crying. She looked weak and vulnerable, he was so turned off, he had to look away. "would you walk me to the door? " she asked, but it sounded more like plead. Reluctantly he walked her up the walk "will I see you again?" she asked hopefully "Ah sure, " he murmured, knowing he was lying. He could not wait to get away from her desperate ass.... When Mike pulled up to the small but cute, cottage looking house, he did not know what to expect. If the last girl was the dreamgirl, "my God what must this one be like?" he wondered. He tried honking but no one came to the door. Getting irritated, he walked up and knocked. The door slid open and a brown skinned woman with her hair in a ponytail and very little make up, peered up at him. She was attractive but not nearly to the degree of someone like Pam.but She did have big brown eyes and sensuous lips. He was shocked to see her wearing very little makeup and dressed in jeans and a pretty pink blouse. Women usually went all out for him! She was on the slim side and her body was very nicely proportioned, missing the super large breasts and booty he usually went for. He knew her name was alexis but that was all he knew about her. "Ah I honked " He murmured. "no, you didn't " she said evenly. He squinted in confusion "yes I did I-" She held up her manicured hand and looked into his face " No, you did not " She repeated "unless you were honking for someone else because My dates do not honk, they come to my door!" Mike was taken aback. This was a total surprise. He had a sudden feeling this date would be very different than so many others he had been on. "who doe's this chick think she is?' he wondered. but he had to admit, he was feeling the first stirrings of respect for her. He opened the car door for her and she gave him a slight smile. He tried not to smile back, but lost, she was so damn adorable sitting there like some kind of princess! As soon as he turned on the temptations, she started to sing. He was blown away at the beauty of her voice, as well as her confidence. When he complimented her beautiful voice instead of waving the compliment away, she smiled and said "thanks everyone in my family can sing." It seemed only moments passed before they reached the cove. "Ah I thought we could get to know each other .." He stammered in response to her surprised look. " that's fine," she said finally." but next time ask if I feel like coming here instead of eating or something" He nodded, wondering once again who this woman thought she was! No woman controlled him! He was going to show her who was boss. They talked about everything. She was passionate about her new business and all the plans she had for it. Mike watched her face beam with excitement as she talked about her business. Usually the only thing he saw a woman that excited about was HIM! He was at a complete loss to explain why he liked her so much, but he had to admit that he did. A few minutes later he lapsed into silence and listened to the water push against the shore. She was watching him " Are you listening to the water lap the shore?" she asked. Mike looked at her stunned. "how did you know?" he asked "because your eyes went to the side, you were in auditory mode" " I was in what?" he laughed. "auditory mode! it just means you were hearing things in your head " she smiled. She leaned in closer "I do that too! she confided. " I love the sound of the water! Mike's heart started a faster beat. He starred at alexis wondering what it was about her that made his heart pound. Why did he feel like he had known her forever, when they just met a few hours ago! " He leaned in "Can I kiss you?" He asked quickly, realizing he was holding his breath. She nodded, and they shared a kiss so sweet he knew he would be on cloud 9 for days. She seemed to be in tune to him in a way he had never experienced before. He felt like he was under a spell! Way too soon she made him take her home. He rushed to open the car door and help her from the car. She looked up at him her big brown eyes glittering in the moonlight, and lovely brown skin reminiscent of chocolate silk. He wondered how he had ever thought Pam was prettier than her. He knew now without a doubt she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. At the door he rushed to ask if he could see her again next Friday. She hesitated, Mike bit his lip so hard it started to bleed. Finally she looked up at him "I have plans for Friday and Saturday, but I can see you on Sunday" A big smile broke out on his face as she hugged him good bye. He couldn't wait until Sunday! "I'm gonna take her to Maxine's" he thought "No, I'll take her to the country club, she'll like that." He began to plan the date in his head. This time he would bring flowers and candy and take her some place very classy. "Damn Louis" He thought "Why didn't he tell me I was going to meet my dream girl?"...
What did Pam do wrong that Alexis did right?
Why did Mike feel so much connection with Alexis?
Why did he feel under a spell, -was it just a coincidence?
why did Alexis suddenly seem so much more beautiful to him?
And most of all, how did she manage to turn herself into his dream girl in his eyes?
16 comments:
very good post, I really liked the story. But I thought he was kind of rude to use the girl like that if he did not like her....
Okay here goes my guess:Pam was too out there with hers, she didn't leave much to the imagination which I believe made her seem a little desperate to please and in want of much attention. She agreed to do everything he suggested, even when that was not her original intention. She also thought this one date alone with sex involved would seal the deal and head into a committed relationship.
Alexis was dressed down a little too much (wearing jeans?) but nevertheless she left something to the imagination. She set him straight in a direct and feminine way which plainly lets him know how she expected to be treated.
Now I personally don't know if this would work in the real world because I have a feeling some men, irrespective of race would categorize a black women establishing how she should be treated in the way Alexis did, as "Having an attitude" or being "sassy." I sometimes feel the response would be different if we do it compared to women of other races.
She cut the night short which to me seems like she leaves more to be desired that way. Basically, you can't get all of me in just one night. She also had something legitimate to talk about and it was her passion. Now I have heard other advice saying you should ask the guy about himself because people like to talk about themselves a lot, but by displaying her passion for her business, it says that she is about something and not trying to capitalize off of the guy for monetary reasons (although...I don't know what girl with God given sense wouldn't, just be stealth abut it).
I don't know why Mike felt so much connection with her, perhaps he was looking for order in his life and she embodied that. He probably felt under a spell because he hadn't considered girls like Alexis before. I would imagine he liked her directness and simplicity. (I am a believer in all ladies wearing makeup and sometimes if done right, a lot of makeup doesn't look like much at all)but I believe she became more beautiful to him because he started to like her differences compared to the other girls he had. I have had the same reactions with guys in the past. Kind of like this breath of fresh air when you have restricted yourself to only dating or sexing a certain type for a while. She managed to turn herself into his dream girl by setting the rules of interation, and behaving in a way that was contrary to what Pam did or the types of girls she might have assumed he would date.
I really like these stories though! I hope my answer was not too long?
The story was interesting, but I consider it to be a little too far-fetched. I have "asserted" myself with men in terms of how I want to be treated on a date (as a lady) and yet most men beat a path in the opposite direction or call me uptight and guarded. Whatever...
Anon, it's not far fetched at all. Ppl need to understand that just because a situation is one way for you does not mean it would be the same way for someone else. That's why two ppl can look at an outcome and have totally different reactions (perspectives) to it. If you were called uptight just for making it clear you expected to be treated a certain way, then you KNOW you were dating the wrong types of men(regardless of color)But yes, some men are of the impression that ALL women are to be treated like crap-and those men should be avoided at all costs....
You can really learn how man really think.
I thought the story made a very good point. We as women set the tone on the first date regarding what category we fit in. If we do not place a value on ourselves why would he. I do not feel it has anything to do with race; the man could be white, black or green.
Think back to when we were children, I had a friend and I would go over her home and she could put her feet on the couch, so I would get comfortable right with her and place my feet on the couch. If her parents came into the living room, I would feel uncomfortable because I knew I could not do it at home and I would slowly slide my feet to the floor and sit up. After a while I just did not go over her house that much any more because I did not want to sit on her couch because she always had her feet on it.
I am not saying that it right, but it is human nature.
Alexis was dressed down a little too much (wearing jeans?) but nevertheless she left something to the imagination. She set him straight in a direct and feminine way which plainly lets him know how she expected to be treated.
I don't think men care about make up and dressed to the nines. Most women dress to impress women and get opinions from girlfriends etc. Remember men are not your girlfriends. They don't think like women nor do we think like them. Hell I've been hit on by men when my hair isn't done in a style or when I'm in a t-shirt and jeans and I mean big t-shirts.
very good post, I really liked the story. But I thought he was kind of rude to use the girl like that if he did not like her....
It's reality. Think about it she was acting sexual on the first date. She gave him the impression that she was looking for a one night stand. Hell she even let the man honk for her to come out like she's some kind of go to girl who doesn't demand respect.
I have "asserted" myself with men in terms of how I want to be treated on a date (as a lady) and yet most men beat a path in the opposite direction or call me uptight and guarded. Whatever
Sounds like those men are what my friends and I call douchbags.
What I have also learned is that you could practice the Rules etc. and a guy still not lead to marriage or he's not into you. Mainly because if a guy has a type and you are not then he just might not be into you and there is nothing wrong with that. We are not into every guy not cute or hot that we meet so why would we think men wouldn't be the same. Men know what they want and if they don't want you they don't want you. That means next until you find the guys/guy who does.
Whoa! Great story and illustrations. It really helped to put things into perspective 4 me. Did you write it yourself, or is it an excerpt from an actual novel? BTW, does anyone know of any great BW/WM bks i can get frm amazon?
Thx!
First and foremost, the tone was set with the response to him "honking". In my opinion, you "honk for whores". If a man does not come to the door, that is it. It is over. There is no "do over" for a blatant lack of respect and a woman who responds to the honking has already told a man that she does not value herself.
This is also a rule for my daughters. If he honks, he is not welcome here.
Women must realize the value of self. Being physically forward and available immediately is a big no-no. No matter what "connection" you may have felt or thought he felt or whatever-he is leaving thinking that is what you always do.
I am not saying it is right, it is what it is.
Paying attention to someone, having conversation (which seems to be a dying art) and keying in on their physical queues (noting he was in auditory mode)lets them know that you are interested in a broad range of topics as well as in them.
Pam let her low self esteem show and her worth. She believe preety face & hot body is going to keep a man. It will get you a man but it want keep a man.
Alexis is a lady and she know how she want a man to treat her.
Everything Alexis was doing is what Mike want in a woman.
I believe it was fate and life lessons that Mike fall for Alexis.
Everything Mike was looking for he found it in Alexis.
You know that old saying,"A MAN WANTS A LADY IN THE STREET BUT A FREAK IN THE BED!"
Ok my answers:
1. Pam did what too many black women do. She used her sexuality, and her body to try and win a wm's attention. We're taught, and hear too often, that wm want us for sex. I feel that was part of pams problem. I also think that pam probably has had this happen before. Women in general are taught to "win a man" with looks, sex appeal, and the "power of the p*ssy." If we don't value ourselves, how do we expect men to?
2. Mike was already used to the Pam type. He was bored with it, from what the story leads us to believe. Alexis presented herself as an equal, and showed that she had more to offer than her body. I think his connection to Alexis was that he got to LEARN who she was and enjoy her as a person, not as a sex thing. Alexis and he had somethng in common, when you take the time out to learn who a person is you get to also find out if your compatible.
3. The spell piece, I think he was smitten with her. I don't think spells had anything to do with it. He had finally met someone who challenged him and asserted her worth in no uncertain terms. It's hard NOT to respect someone like that, especially when you're tired of the same old games.
4. He had a false notion of beauty. To HIM Pam's booty was her beauty. Unfortunately, he too was guilty of fetishizing black womens bodies and using that as the standard for black female beauty. He was able to learn with Alexis that booty doesn't equal beauty, and able to appreciate the varying sizes, shapes, types of black women out there.
5. She was already his dream girl! She didn't do anything to win him, or to turn herself into anything. She was totally herself, and true to herself. She asserted her worth, set a standard and showed that she had love and respect for herself. Men act like horny animals, but eventually some of them grow up and stop pornifying every woman. That is what we saw between these two. A boy became a man.
I can answer all five questions with this one comment: MEN RESPECT STANDARDS, GET SOME! Pam had no standards, Alexis did, thus the outcome was different in how he dealt with the two women
Alexis conducted herself like a lady with self-respect. She has a life. No man wants a woman that is needy, clingy and loose. Alexis displayed class.
So what I want to know is if he will treat girl 1 like a whore, but 2 differently, does that make him a good person? Maybe he would cheat. I mean, if "I could get away with it, why not?" is probably what he is thinking. He's the kind of person who likes taking advantage of others, if he wasn't then he wouldn't have even tried to treat Pam like trash, he would also have treated her with respect.
What did Pam do wrong that Alexis did right? Pam engaged in sex on the first date without even really getting to know Mike. She was scantily clad in a suggestive dress and tried too hard with her hair and makeup. She wasn't hard to get at all, there was no challenge to her. She responded to Mike even when he was blatantly rude in his words and actions. To Mike, Pam came across as just another stereotypical slut.
Why did Mike feel so much connection with Alexis? Mike felt an almost instantaneous connection with Alexis because she established who she was and what she stood for right off the back. Without being rude or hostile, Alexis portrayed herself as a self-respecting individual who would not respond to MIke's plans to mistreat her. It's much easier for people--men & women alike--to respect you when you respect yourself. As the saying goes, "you teach others the way you want to be treated."
Why did he feel under a spell, -was it just a coincidence? No, the combination of the chemistry they had and the self-confidence she exuded lured him to her. Even if they don't work out in the long run because of other reasons, the high esteem she held herself in made Mike fall in love with her, even if he didn't find her that attractive initially.
why did Alexis suddenly seem so much more beautiful to him? (see above)
And most of all, how did she manage to turn herself into his dream girl in his eyes? What did the trick was the collaboration of her politeness, confidence, higher regard for herself (note that she didn't make herself readily available towards the end for someone who was disrespectful to her initially on the date, she made him want to prove his worth and he felt lucky to have gotten a date with her even if it wasn't on the day he wanted), and above all, her self respect.
i am a young adult (18) learning how to handle myself around men while dating. i have definitely been used like Pam before, although at the time, the signs weren't as obvious to me. Now that i'm starting to mature more, I'm making it my priority to be treated with the utmost rsepect from men. stories like these really help in expounding the message.
another thing to add on to my last comment:
difference between pam & alexis--pam was literally begging for Mike's attention even after he used her. she reeked of desperation from her appearance to her verbal pleas to see her again. she may have been "sexy" at first glance but she was, again, a desperate plea...whereas alexis was more of a privelege. Mike was LUCKY that she still went out with him after he beeped the horn outside her house (but he did not get away with it without at least a scolding!), he was LUCKY that she didn't react angrily to not being taken on a proper date (but again, she firmly let him know her discontent with that), he was LUCKY that she gave him another date to redeem himself.
it was important for me to add this note because I am someone who is definitely learning how to migrate from being a "plea" to a "privalege" for men to be around. Although i don't think i dress as provacatively as Pam, I am (or formerly was) the girl who was always begging men to stick around when they really had no reason to. they would get what they wanted from me in as little as a week...at one point a man faked being interested in me for 3 years until he just couldn't anymore (and i don't even blame him). at first he genuinely was interested because we were young and both virgins, so there wasn't anything sexual preventing us from getting to know each other. after we did have sex though, i became readily available to him even when he continuously stood me up on dates, i begged him to take me out over the phone almost every night to the point where i'd cry over him, and i'd jump at any opportunity to be with him even if i knew there were purely sexual intentions involved. i can see now how desperation could be unappealing to a man (i'm disgusted with myself just admitting it all), but it was definitely a learning process. so again, thanks for this story, it's easier to realize your own mistakes when your analyzing the mistakes of another character. suddenly everything i did seems so obvious that i'm intent on starting a brand new foot.
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