Should you settle?

There is ALWAYS a man out there who will love you no matter what. This bride is an example of a v-dark woman who found a good man. You are never too ANYTHING to find a good man-dont' settle!

In one word NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I know someone. She's young, very pretty very open to ppl, and very sweet. She is long on kindness but short on common sense. When I say that what I mean is that sometimes ppl are too kind for words and are likely to be taken advantage of. We'll call her Taya. A few years ago she told me that she was seeing some new guy." This brother actually has a job! " She squealed. I was morbidly unimpressed. She had, had her heart broken badly the year previous, by some loser, so I hoped she had learned her lesson. I remember asking her about him, and what she told me did not make me smile. She said that he was a few years older, and that he was a mechanic, and that he made decent money. At this point I looked at her in awe, and said "But you've got one year of law school left! What exactly do you plan to do with a mechanic? " At this point she stormed away and did not speak to me for a few days. When she did, I could tell she was waiting for an apology. But the thing is, I only apologize when I think I'm WRONG! I don't feel I was, so she was NOT going to get that apology. The conversation was strained, so I finally said. Taya, it's your life but you've told me he rarely takes you out, and even then, it's at night to far away places. You've said that he's a mechanic without any back up plan. ALL I can tell you is that men who take you to far away places usually do so because they don't want to be seen. And the reason they don't want to be seen are usually because they either have another woman/wife or they don't think you are worth showing off. And I would not give the time of day to ANY man who had someone else, or did not feel I was worth showing off!"

" But more than that," I continued. "I don't feel that a lawyer and a mechanic have much in common. They usually travel in very different circles and this man will probably end up resenting you when he realizes your income rings circles around his." Well the end result was that she became angry and we didn't speak for a while. She got pregnant with her first baby before finding out that this jerk had a wife and 3 other children. He had warrants for drunk driving, domestic abuse, and numerous other offenses. He actually expected her to stand by him, pay his Attorney fees, (criminal law is not her specialty) and take care of his other family until he got out of jail!!! Anyway, last month she came to me and apologized. She said she doesn't know what she could have been thinking. She said it was like she was brain washed, and had been programmed to give a brotha a chance no matter what. I told her that's exactly what it is. BW ARE brainwashed from the time they are born until they leave this earth the programming goes on and on cradle to grave. She broke down and cried. She said she now has a beautiful little daughter she has to raise by herself, and father is a drug pusher in and out of jail. I reminded her that unlike a lot of single mothers, she is a lawyer, and makes good money so it will not be as hard as many single mothers have it, and she will no doubt meet someone else. Although I was shocked to find out she made less than 70.000! I had always thought lawyers made at least 100.000+. But anyway the point of this is that ALL MEN SHOULD BE VETTED!! I don't care what his color is or what his name is, or what kind of family he comes from. ALL MEN SHOULD BE VETTED!! The second point is Ladies do NOT SETTLE!!

Why do bw think they are the only women who should life up men? You are not here to lift up men! You are here like every one else, to have life, and have it more abundantly. Stop thinking you need to play savior to a man! The plain truth is you should bring something to the table, and SO SHOULD HE! Believe me if you have nothing to offer, he is NOT coming your way regardless of how cute you may be. He'll be checking to see that you have whatever qualities he's interested in looks, personality, shape, money, credit, position, connections, fortune, fame etc. Whatever he is interested in, he'll be checking to see how much of those qualities/attributes you possess. In other words you will be vetted. Why in the world would you EVER allow him to pass through unvetted???

Don't' do it! Your future children are depending on you to pick out a good daddy for them. They cannot choose for themselves. Whatever man you choose to have them by, is the man who will be in their lives forever, so choose carefully. When it comes to IR dating I absolutely DO think you can much more easily find a good non-bm than a good bm. I won't lie about that. BUT, I also feel that just because he's non-blk is no indicator of his worth as a man or mate. What I mean is that although it's easier to find a good non-bm, that does not mean any old non-bm will be a good man. ALL MEN MUST BE VETTED!! And if you are aspiring high, look for a mate who is aspiring high. NEVER DATE OR MARRY LOWER! You have children to think of, it is NOT wrong for a woman to marry up. It's only wrong (and stupid) for her to marry down! I know I'll catch flack, and be called a gold digger but notice how ww seem to know and practice this inherently and also notice, how NO ONE calls them gold diggers. Why do bw always feel the need to settle? You are just as good as any other woman and you deserve the best too. The best men the best schools for your children, the best restaurants, the best clubs and houses. THE BEST OF WHATEVER YOU WANT! Stop feeling the need to settle for men who have little to offer. I am not saying he should be a millionaire. What I am saying is that whatever he does, he should be striving to be the best at it, and GROW. IOWs suppose he is a mechanic, but he's trying to buy his own shop, and is saving and working hard to make that happen. To me that's ambition. And I really like a man with ambition. If I were single, I would never give the time of day to a man who did not have ambition. That should be in the top 10 list because it means he's competitive. A man should be competitive. There are too many competitions in life for him not to be. Black women realize that you will never get that which you do not AIM for. Funny so many women get this when it comes to their career, but not when it comes to men. Stop settling for men who are NOT competitive. There are too many competitive men in this world for that. Have you ever noticed how many bm will get money and suddenly go after ww? I will tell you the stinging truth to why they do that. That's because he sees her as better! In his slave-damaged mind, her whiteness makes her inherently more valuable than you, and he will fight for her, and do all manner of things he would not do for you! Before, he knew he had nothing to offer her, (or bring to the table) . But now with his new found wealth, he knows he has something, and can now compete with other men. This is why Young berg sexed numerous bw of all shades and esp. dark before he became semi famous, and then had the nerve to say he did not do dark butts! after his short lived fame. Most men know he must bring something to the table, it's so odd to me that BM will come will absolutely nothing and still feel like bw should fall all over them. I feel like if he is NOT bringing anything to a woman's table, then why the hell is he there? But too many of you will settle for a man with absolutely nothing to offer (because he's a so-called brother), and deeply regret it, and pay for it for years and years. Nowhere is this more prevalent than in the BC. Where bw will date, sex, marry bm who are druggies, convicts, pedophiles, or just plain unambitious losers who are going nowhere. Ladies, forget about trying to save the po wittle black man and let him save himself. Real men NEVER depend on women to save them. Give them a wide girth, and get yourself together with all the schooling and skills you need to get out of the hood and get a REAL man. Some of yall will hate me for saying this, but there are few real men in the hood. What you have instead are many sorry little pieces of men looking for a woman to take care of them so they can do their damage freely against the women and children of the neighborhood. If you stay in one of these hell holes. Get out as soon as you possibly can! They are dream killers. These places teach women to settle for the bottom of the barrel crusty pieces of humanity, and call them men. Don't settle- you don't need to. You deserve a good ambitious loving husband just like every other woman. But you will never see all the beautiful hunks of delicious husband material around you unless you pull your head out of that garbage can, and look up......

How to use your female Mystique

How do you explain that certain something that draws ppl to you?That makes you seem far more attractive than you actually are. That makes you seem taller, funnier, sexier etc. I know that there have been plenty of times in my life when 'knew' I had it. And other times when I knew for some reason, I just didn't It always seemed that the times I was easily able to project it, were the times I wasn't trying to... I remember once, it caused me to lose a friend.... I remember back in HS. I lost homecoming queen to another girl. I was pretty devastated, and had to go to the bathroom to pull myself together. My best friend at the time was there talking chattily about how I should not be upset because these things happened. She seemed inordinately 'cheerful though' and I remember a funny feeling in my gut. I remember feigning nonchalance and said; "You're right girl. I'm going to forget about it, and go out for Mayday queen!" She seemed taken aback,and stared at me. "Well...." she stammered. "I don't think that's a good idea...Ain't you too devastated?" I shook my head. "I guess not, I kinda had the feeling she would beat me, but I believe I'll win Mayday queen. She could not believe my confidence, and seemed almost shaken. I swore her to secrecy, and then watched amazed as person after person asked me when I had decided to run for Mayday Queen. She had clearly told everyone! Thanks to her big mouth, everyone knew I was running before I even put up posters, and as a result, I easily won. I was happy to win, but very uncomfortable with the fact that she had told everyone AFTER I asked her to keep it a secret. I began to keep a closer eye on her, and noticed that she constantly eyed my boyfriend like he was candy. The weird thing was, SHE was the one who had gotten us together, and begged me to go out with him. But watching her around him, it became patently clear she wanted him for herself. I waited for her to make her move, and soon she did. One day in chemistry she told me (in front of everyone) that she had told Tony I didn't care about him, and had only gone out with him because she begged me to. She went on to say that she was tired of watching me think I was 'all that' because SOME ppl thought I was pretty, and she was tired of me using people. When I asked her to name someone I had used, she spit Tony's name out, and told me she was tired of me thinking everything was about me and that Tony deserved better. I looked at her closely for a moment. Then I calmly said; "S--- I was waiting for your true colors to emerge-how long have you been in love with him? She stood there with her mouth open, blinking at me, trying to force her head to swing in denial, but it didn't work. Everyone in the class stared, and made comments about how jealous she must be to go tell MY boyfriend all this BS about me using him. She started screaming about how she'd have made a much better gf to Tony, than me, and how I was just getting by on my looks. ( She had always rated my looks alot higher than her own) She stormed off crying, and never spoke to me again. The stupid thing was, had she told me from the start she liked him, I would have helped her get him. She pushed me toward him over and over merely because SHE DID NOT HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO GO AFTER HIM HERSELF!' It didn't work at all, and her open display only served to lower her status in his sights, while simutaneously pushing me up even higher on my pedestal. And when he heard through the grapevine that she was crying because she was so jealous of me, the attraction that he, and many other boys in school had for me, went through the roof! Ladies know that anytime you show jealousy for another female, you are elevating her, and debasing yourself. Never show jealousy, it always makes you look weak and second best. If someone is so attractive it's bothering you, acknowledge her and move on-never dwell. Always know that you are just as good as anyone else, and that you have unique qualities that belong ONLY to you, and you have NO reason to be jealous of anyone else. I used my life exp. because for years I was popular without knowing why, and I knew that sometimes I would project something that ppl seemed to find irrisistable but I had no idea how I was doing it, or how to control it. After studying it in and out of college, I have a much better grasp on what it is, and how to control it..... The REAL secret to creating mystique is to proudly wear whatever you are, like a badge of honor. For exp. When I was in this HS, we had just gotten back from Hawaii, and I had a very proper dialect (from years of training at my grandmother's insistence) She abhorred colloquial speech patterns, as she called them, and spent years instilling in me the need to enunciate every word. As a result, I had, and still have a very proper sounding voice. I also came up in a family that thought dark skin was gorgeous, and since I'm dark this worked in my favor, and I had/have an absolute love for my dark brown skin. Plus, my daddy always told me I was as gorgeous as a movie star, and I 'knew' he meant it. And even though I knew it was just his love talking, it was still a confidence booster. When I arrived at this school (junior year) the kids were so fascinated by me, that many times ppl were following me down the hall. See I was dark, yet considered very-pretty, I was quiet, yet lively. I was proper speaking, and unashamed of it. I was in a word 'DIFFERENT!'. And different = mystique! I'll tell you a little secret. Whatever you are constantly thinking is being conveyed to the ppl around you! It's very difficult to hide your personality for long because it comes out in everything you do, so the first rule of mystique is to think you are SPECIAL! I don't care what you look like, or where you are from-there is something special about you! Don't let anyone tell you there's not. Play up your talents, gifts, and potentials. The simple trick is to REVEL in whatever makes you, you. Being really good at almost anything will surround you with MYSTIQUE! PPl are always fascinated by ppl who are really good at something. If you've ever watched the Closer, with Kera Sedwick (sp?) I'm sure you've seen how although she's got some wrinkles, and her overly white skin direly needs a tan, she 'KNOWS' she's really good at her job. And this confidence spills over into every other part of her life. Watch closely, and you will see that she struts when she walks! I can tell she's thinking; "I'm one hot mama!" And it never seems to take the men in her life long to agree with her. See, this is why it is SOOOOOO important to have high self-esteem. Because the world will begin to agree with you! Most ppl will see you the way you see yourself. This is almost always a double-edged sword. If you are too tall, think of all the women who would love to have your height, and consider yourself a long-legged beauty. If you're too short, Think of all the lovely short women, Janet Jackson, little Kim etc, who make short, adorable, and think of yourself this way. If you hate some part of your body, either change it, or change the way you think of it! Be dark and lovely instead of 'too dark'. Be a dazzling red head instead of a fake red head. Be voluptuous instead of too hippy. Be sassy instead of argumentative. Be adorable instead of diffident. Be passionate instead of unruly. Be zealous instead of hard headed. I think you get the picture. It's more in how you think of yourself than almost anything else. It's odd to me that other women seem to inherently know this, but bw don't. BW seem unable to appreciate themselves unless they look like beyonce. (and how many of us look like that?) Yet a ww can look like Barbara Striesand and still be considered beautiful. Why? Because there are many forms of beauty! Babs IS beautiful! Think about it. She's multi-talented, inspiring, rich, well known, engaging, and interesting! These are all different forms of beauty in a woman. What are some of your forms? Let me give you another exp. I was watching a court show (old rerun-Judge Wapner) one day. I saw a dark skinned well dressed woman come into the court. She was med- height yet she looked much taller because she carried herself like a queen. When I first saw her, I thought she looked average (at first). But as I watched her walk up to the podium with such a regal air, and so well dressed, I found she looked more and more attractive. She almost seemed to wearing an invisible tattoo that said DARK GODDESS! Out of the blue, my male cousin, who was sitting next to me, murmured "Look at that GODDESS!" I was amazed because that was the word that had come to my mind as well! The (wm) judge (Wapner) seemed to share his reaction. His eyes widened, as he sat up to 'drink her in', and he could barely seem to look away from her to address the plaintiffs. It appeared she was suing a dry cleaner because they had ruined some of her very expensive clothing. The dry cleaner maintained that their liability was capped at 25.00 per item, and that they had no intentions of paying 1000.00 for her clothing. The woman spoke very eloquently, and held her head high and proud. She informed Judge Wapner that she should be compensated for the full amount of the clothing, and that it was distressing to her that the cleaners would not take responsibility for their actions. I was stunned as I watched Judge Wapner come to her defense. He all but screamed at the poor dry cleaner, about how dare him try to cheat "this beautiful, elegant, mesmerizing woman!" He went on about how anyone could see she wore very high end clothing, and she could not be expected to settle for a paltry 25.00! He tore into the poor cleaning man angrily, as the audience looked on in stunned surprise. Even they could see his open attraction for this woman and his inability to remain impartial. He even apologized to the woman for her having to leave her high powered job to be there that day, and told her that someone so beautiful shouldn't have to deal with such nuisances! The cleaner put his head down and sighed. He knew he had lost to the power of female mystique. She, of course got her award and walked happily away with Judge Wapner's eyes still following her every move... Whatever this power is, this woman had it in droves. I remember how uncomfortable the ww seemed. They seemed to grow more shocked and upset as the men talked outside about how the Judge had been so taken with her grace and beauty, he had seemed mesmerized. Ladies, this is the power of the female mystique. This woman only became 'so beautiful' after everyone saw her graceful carriage, her confidence, her lovely tone of voice, her class etc. These things transformed her before everyone's eyes. You can utilize this same power-It's all in your mind.........

Answer

Hi Everybody. Clarice you were right. She was visual, and he was a feelings person. We will just go over the feelings personality for right now... Kinestestic (feelings ) men are usually very warm, and loving people. They respond to their world through their feelings. They make great friends as well as lovers because they are very concerned about your feelings, and are the warmest men you can find. They will dress for comfort rather than style. They will love the feel of things including skin, material, textures etc. They get hurt very easily because their feelings are always close to the surface. This is the man to tell an old hurtful secret to. He will be in his element trying to comfort you and give you solace. They often look down alot because the eyes travel down and to the R or L to access our feelings about something. Try this: Ask a friend what her room looks like. Watch her look up, and either to the left or right. (visual future, and visual past) you'll be able to tell what she is thinking by checking for a pattern. Now ask her how being in that room made her feel as a child, and watch her eyes dip down and go to the right or left. You'll be able to determine which is the past or future for her by watching closely. This is why you will often see emotional people with their heads downcast. They are in feelings mode and usually keeping themselves locked in a past memory. Back to your man. Tread on his feelings lightly. His words will ALWAYS give him away if you listen closely. Instead of saying "She's being a b*tch!" He'll say something like "she runs hot and cold!" or "She's just cold as hell, and I can't be bothered" He will constantly make remarks about feelings, textures, senses. For instance. I remember watching a friend argue with her boyfriend. She kept saying "Don't you see how stupid it is for you to wear that shirt?" How can it not be clear how silly you'll look in it. Everyone's gonna laugh at you!" She was really upset because he did not seem to care one bit. He responded to her; "I don't care what people say, I want to be comfortable, and this shirt is like an old friend, warm, comfortable, and well-worn. I feel like you're not listening to me. I'm telling you what I want, and you don't care. You're cold as hell, and only think about yourself!" Things were getting heated, and I decided to talk to her. After I coached her for a few minutes, she went back to him, and said: "Honey, you're right I understand how you feel about the shirt, but it makes me really uncomfortable to know that ppl are saying stuff about you. Why don't we save the shirt for quiet times at home, and wear something a little more formal tonight. I'd really appreciate it, and seeing you all dressed up makes me want to wrap my arms around you and never let go!" He fell for it immediately. All the sudden he 'saw' her side of it. Many times that's all it takes to really understand where your man is coming from. Thank y'all for tuning in-see you next post........